SPEAK CHILD, OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE.

PLEASE GO TO THE LINK BELOW TO SEE MY FIRST DAY ON AIR VIDEO...

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150101322941008&saved#!/video/?id=165529766828556

It has been a month since I have been on Gagasi 99.5.  I have had the joys of making errors such as calling the station Gagasi 99.5 fm. I have gotten stage fright and have had moments of silence on air.  I have typed whilst the microphone is on and my listeners had to tell me that they can hear me typing.  I have had great interviews such as co-hosting the first hour of my show on the 23rd March 2011 with Ray Phiri who was celebrating his 57th Birthday.  I have had great writers in studio with me: Cartoonist: Qaps Mngadi, Umlazi Born: Sifiso Mzobe;  Funny Ndumiso Ngcobo, Unassuming Thando Mqolozana who is also known as Caster Semenya not because of his sexuality but because of the title of his very engaging book : A Man who is not a man.  I have also felt like, I was touched by angels in the studio by the awe inspiring sisters such as writer Zukiswa Wanner and Actress Delisile Malinga who plays the part of Sara in Generations.  I have had wonderful musicians such as Natalie Rungan singing happy birthday to Ray Phiri on my show.  Concord Nkabinde composed a song in 2minutes and serenaded Chikapa whilst strumming his guitar.  The guitar  is also known as Concords wife. Yes Concord is married to his guitar.  I don't lie.  Beautiful and talented muso Simphiwe Dana has also graced the Zookey Zone and we have never been the same again. The song Ilolo suddenly sounded sweeter than ever before.

These beautiful conversations shared with the Gagasi 99.5, over one and a half million listeners has been hair raising, caused my palms to sweat and lead my heart to palpitate to say the least #truestory.

No words could describe the feelings I have inside my tummy when a call comes in (illegally as in, no calls have been requested from listeners) and the voice says: Zookey you are blessing me or Zookey what you just did brought my lost love back to me.  Wow! how humbling.

The facebook Zarlings is a group of people that are my kindred spirits.  They dance when I play a dance song and go down memory lane when I take them there.  Their fingers are always ready to comment or tell me what they are up to via my facebook page: zookey on gagasi 99.5.  I feel like I am a captain of a Boeing Z.O.O.K.E.Y 101 flight to an informed, styled, fabulous and exciting lifestyle and society of kindred spirits.  Gagasi 99.5 is an Urban Youth station and touching young adults in a special way is W.O.W! I did wanna say it is orgasmic but I thought neh. Let me say it is W.O.W :-)))

I do get a lot of sms's and emails saying I am sounding sexy, and I really wonder...but that is a different topic for another day.  I have also had a handful of proposals coming my way but neh, lets skip that topic as well :-)

Saturday Morning, comes and I am up and away at 4am.  The sunrise catches me in studio, dancing myself awake on the Zookey Sunnyside-up Breakfast show.

Beautiful friends like Fabulous Dhiya, Prayerful Noxie, Mad yet Encouraging Lazola, Supportive Sakhile, Mad & Ultra cute Makhosi have made my one month on radio a place of comfort.  These friends tell me I sound like S*(&%$ and after that tell me that they love me and I know they mean it.  Coz your best friend will tell you look horrible when you do and your enemy will tell you , you like great in your worst.  Bubu has sat up, Zwe has sms'd before and after most shows, Jabu has uploaded her FB status 4 frends to listen up, so has Bubu and Nonto, Mthoko has even written a poem about my show...I mean are those friends or are those friends?

Oh well.  This is my second month, which started off with a BANG.  American based Lihle who is actually my soul sister, alongside Pastor Vusi Dube helped me pull an April Fools prank about me being engaged to sexy musician: Zakes Bantwini, who I had never met never mind spoken to.  Which was a good thing.  His lady love helped us with the prank, which is big ups to her as well.

How is it like to be on radio people ask? Well it is an experience.  You have to go through it to know it.  It was my dream that I never followed yet it somehow found me.  Collin Zondo, sat with me on my first day of studio and gave me a one out of ten for my performance and all I can say is: iron sharpens Iron.  Tp and Vusi helped me before I went into studio to show me what to do and what not to do...So big ups to them.

Follow your dream. It could be a nightmare to others, but truth be told, your dream is probably the only thing you own and don't need to pay for but if you follow it, it will pay you well.

For the effervescents that tell me I am sounding good and encourage me even when media diss me, well that happend once, in my 1st month and the post is on my station page, thank you.  Vilo Naidu, you are great you metrosexual you. Oops that sounded like I am swearing at you. Not really.  I like the way you guys do your manicures, facials and wear flip flops to show off your pedicures.  Its great to have interactive friends.  Dineo, thanks to you too oh Gullible one. Amanda, you the ish sister girlfriend.

Thanx to Buhle Mkhize, from Eshowe for giving us fashion, beauty and coming trends at 09h10 every Saturday morning all the way from New York City...other exciting features such as WIRELESS HOOK UPS start this Thursday which is people finding love on the Zookey Zone.  If you are lonely and looking drop me an email on zookey@gagasi995.co.za.  Tell me who you are, how old you are, what you are looking for in love. CONFESSIONS MONDAY is a series where you tell me WHAT YOU WILL NEVER DO AGAIN so you send me an email saying: I WILL NEVER and carry on with what you will never do, because it caused you so much hurt or trauma etc.  Tuesday's we will have our: AND THESE SAID feature.  This will be our celebrity sections, which allows for celebs to tell us what they are reading and how their current read is shaping them.

Love and respect Zarling.

Zookey

First day on the waves....iGagasi 99.5 fm

I have been nervous for a while now, concerning breaking my virginity on the airwaves.  What to say? What to do? What if I press the wrong buttons? What if I stutter? What if a wacky caller calls in? Oh well, I guess this is it.  To the deep end I dive.  There will be no more what if's after 10pm tonight.

I have been going into the studio to play around with the buttons.  I have found myself talking with the mic off or I have stopped the song just when it started and found out that you can't go back to that song.  So spilt milk, is spilt milk when you are in studio.  Believe me you dont even want to enter into the studio with any milk!

I have had a few lessons, one with Vusi Letswalo (whose voice I will forever love, especially on lonely Sunday Afternoons, he really does has a sense of keeping you company) and TP and Selby taught me a thing or two.  Now it is up to me to make it or break it!  Wish me the best ya'll, because  I need it.

This afternoon I will go in and do a radio promo.  My debut of breaking some kwaito lyrics and putting in my own words, for 30 seconds.  That is as original as I can get this time around!  Then this evening I will be in there, bare foot and wide awake!...If you are not Durban based, please tune in via the web page: http://www.gagasi995.co.za/ and you will be able to listen to me on-line.

I will speak less and pray more whilst the music is playing "Lord please help me do this, Please speak through me."  I just gotta be careful I dont end up preaching, with prayers like that!...I have found that when I am nervous, I have the kinda prayers that make me stop, frown and think "Did I just say that??" and I am sure that the Lord has a sense of humour and He just smiles and nodds.

So, today is the day.  Hold my hand and lets do this!

Boldi-locks: my favourite picture

...Dont Mess with the Best  coz the best dont mess

Dont fool with the Cool coz the cool dont fool...

This picture to me is a war cry of a different  nature...:

it says: bold, brave, naughty, nice, cool, wise and soo many other words

that only a kindred spirit can understand.

A Monday morning shout out to my friend

Memories of a Beginning

The date is unknown

The time only the heavens would dare to remember

A connection, not even the heart could or would want to recognize

But one which the soul surely smile at.

A memory that causes the head to bow and words to be concluded

by: " Bless her Lord Amen" , are whispered through lips of a believer

to a God that never sleeps nor slumbers

The day and time of the meeting of these two souls

is a memory which  is like a rainbow in a distant past

that shines like a sun through the clouds with visions of

festivals, home gatherings, house parties, and shopping spree's

The meeting of the two souls was like a gift

well boxed with endless realms of soft designer paper

wrapped around in ribbons of love

and well set into a time and space only known and understood

by love

The day and time I met you

I do not remember

The day and time

will never be important

It is that little heart of mine

that you touched

that will forever remember you

I ask this little heart of mine, what it remembers and it says to me,

ever so gently:

its how she always runs to pose next to you, when you taking a photo

Really?

I ask it

then my heart smiles back, almost the same way you smile, and then it laughs and smiles

at the same time,

Just the same way you do...and I see why my heart loves you so.

I ask it again...remind me oh heart of mine

hidden in-between my non-silicone breasts?

Why do you smile when you think of her?

She loves you, it says to me

Aaah, I  remind my heart

Love, love dear heart is a word, I don't play around with much

That is why you hardly tell her, it says.

You rarely tell the people you love the most and are quick to tell the ones you don't love

how you love them so, another of your famous acts of faith.

Shut up, you heart of mine,

I demand

Lets continue, I say, how do you know I love her?

it's her caring ways it tell's me

The way she always invites you to her do's

The way she'll contact you sometimes, when you are overseas on work travels, and remind you of how Durban is your hearts desire

The way she'll ignore you on facebook but rock up in your real world

that's

why I know

and the way, she came to see you as you walked out your momma's coffin and told you : "you don't have to be strong"

That, my dear friend, say's my heart to me...was your mothers gift to you:

A friend so real

A friend so rare

A friend so sensitive

A fried so true

Thank you for being my friend, Nih

Zoom: 7th February 2011

The Mirror that fell of the wall

Just like the night has eyes
You also had all your eyes on me
You always starred at me
unashamed
You were never ashamed or afraid to be honest with me
You never Judged me
I did that on my own
You were just wise to reflect what you saw
In perfect silence
I would sometimes get angry at you
Not that it was your fault,
that my clothes hugged me,
revealing my unwelcome love handles
Just like the night has eyes
you also had all your eyes on me
You were there for me, my kids, my visitors
Everyone entering my space, noticed you, noticing them
I have travelled from flat, to house, to cottage, to town, to city, to countryside, to beach front view apartment and back to house with you
Ours was a long-term relationship of relevence and silence
In retrospect you were one of my more stable relationships
We had a silent yet powerful relationship
Even in the night, you let your presence, felt and be known.
I still turn around, even after the acceptance that you are gone
to see a white wall,
empty
also grieving the loss of your presence.
I never knew what to say
What to feel
or what to do
but pick up the broken pieces when I got the call that the wind had blown you off the wall
and you now lay in 8 irregularly shaped pieces
To be exact.
Some pieces, just scraping the top of my son's head who was walking past you.
You were never dangerous
I knew that
You left him unscarred
Several sharp-edged thoughts went through my mind
The superstitios say your breakage means 7 years of bad luck
I chose to remember what Mama used to say:
When something breaks, it marks that old things are gone and behold all things become new
I walk about in the same room, were you paraded your African beauty
and realise
that I no longer worry about who is looking at me
who is watching me
it is as though I was always
waiting
to be judged and i had gotten used to hearing your silent views
and other peoples point of view
about me
but like Mama used to say, old things are past and behold all things are new
mirror off the wall, your 8 pieces lie as a piece of art and a mosaic
a beauty to behold
on how, even after being shattered
you still remain a piece of art
I dont see myself through you in the same way
you no longer see me in the same way you used to
Just like the night has eyes
I reflect about your reflection
8 after all is the number of  new begginings
© Zoom

Schizophenic lover

I am talking to you
Can you hear me?
Why are'nt you looking at me in the eye?
Am I irritating you?
Are you too busy?
Okay fine
I will leave you alone
But Baby why did you not pick up the phone?
did you not see the missed calls?
My sms message said you received the message
C'mon
Baby, is that lipstick on your shirt
Its red
I did not hug you today
And I did not put lipstick on today
I only used gloss
Baby you smell different
Did you buy a new perfume?
But its flowery
Baby I thought flowery perfumes made you sneeze
Where were you?
Are you going to answer me?
Fine
I will keep quiete
Are you a brick wall?
Sweets?
Love?
Baby
I am obviouly an irritation
Do you love me?
Are you ever going to answer?
(Storms out sniffing and banging the door)
(comes back in)
dont say I never tried loving you
I care for you
Does that even cross your mind?
Okay fine
Thats it
I have had it

(sits and cries loudly.  No one comforts her)

The other side of the fence

My mom rose before the sunrise and was louder than the cock that crowed two hours after she had already woken the entire house hold up with her shuffling around the house and making porridge in the kitchen.  It did not help that she had a limp and a special way of always tripping on things followed by a loud scream of shock, from herself to herself for all of us to hear.  You would not dare make a comment on her scream or her fall, if you knew what was good for you.  She had a way of making sure she was the reason you wore a smile for the rest of the day or had a good-night sleep but her wrath was nothing you would want to know.  It stung like a bee.  She was just loud like that and a sweet heart as well.
I remember locking myself in the bathroom of my apartment on the first Christmas I spent without her.  I cried on the floor, head on the toilet seat.  No.  I was not thinking of drowning myself, but had to have a private cry. I don’t know what it is about my daughter Tendai, she has a way of sniffing out my emotions and my feelings and is a private investigator of sorts.  She may not always know what to say but she is somehow a constant shadow and hug provider.  I could hear her little fingers tapping on the door and when all else fails her she will keep her “I love you mommy" record on repeat mode.  And that only made me sit on that fluffy pink bathroom carpet some more and cried till the tears met up with the snarlies above my upper lip and together made their salty way into my mouth through the side entrance.
The cry changed and no longer became  about me missing my mother and all that she meant to me but on how selfish I was being for not appreciating and embracing the load of love that I had around me with Thapelo and Tendai.  Thapelo is best with forehead kisses and smiles in your face.  Just to make sure that you don’t miss his silent "I care and I feel you.  I don’t understand the depth of your emotions but I am here and I love you."
I woke up bright and early this morning, with so much purpose. The day before Christmas and wow my wreath is up and all the lights twinkling, just the way I like them too.  I got up with so much ooomph and I realised that sometimes it’s not what you have or don’t have but whom you have in your life that counts.  Yes the goodbyes are sad.  They are hurtful but the hello’s have so much potential and opportunity that missing those could mean messing up your today and perhaps your future.
After my father left his cancer ridden body.  I could not cry.  No matter the situation. I could frown, I could scream, I could shout, I could smile brighter than before and I could laugh really loud but I could not cry. I was numb. Emotionless and I remember looking through my Donna Karen of New York sunglasses at the casket going down the grave with my dads head facing the west and I knew that the wrap and curtain call of both my parents’ life meant a new beginning for me.  One that had a lot of potential and one that means a whole new book.  It was no longer a chapter of my life.  It was an entire foundation.
My parent’s instantaneously became individuals in my life. These were the two people in my life that were a constant team.  Together.  Whether in a fight or not.  I spoke to one and knowing that it would not be long before the other knew. Good or bad. They were a unit. They painted the canvas in which I was to live my life.  They chose the background.  They chose the paint.  The setting.  The frame of the picture.  I now had to come out of the painting and enlarge myself.
I think more than any of their other kids, I took to these two people as my friends.  My siblings would sometimes be embarrassed - well they should not be reading my stuff anyway. I know I did not copyright the letters but still, my dad and I exposed our mind-space and feelings in lengthy letters. With mom it was behind closed doors.  I mean everything.  The conversation would start a similar way that my daughter starts a conversation with me, way too often for my liking. It goes something like "Mommy do you promise you will still love me and won’t shout at me..." and I not like my mother who would always say "Yes".  I am an "it depends" type of a mother.
These conversations would teach me that no matter what the situation, no matter how dodge it was, no matter how my angel wings got clipped in my escapades of life so that I had no option but to allow my profile that looked like I was  flying on a broom stick to be published.  Embarrassing my family, their values and sometimes myself but I learnt that family is something you don’t choose and parenthood is the biggest calling of loving in spite of.
Loving is just that one thing that makes living for those that love you so important.  I realised that I lived for my parents.  Yes I moved out at 21.  Infact, before that. And married young etc, in time for them to love me back after a divorce and help me raise my kids, including waking them up at 3am with tears in my eyes and a high temperature child.  I never called the Doctor first.  I called home in tears and the silly kids would laugh and smile as soon as I entered the house.  Love cures.
I sit back and smile and sometimes miss the lengthy phone calls that always came via my office line just before 4pm.  Instead of just asking me to come and pick him up from the office, he did not feel like driving he would start the conversation with "that man is not good for you" refereeing to a guy I was dating and then that would change too "I am old.  You are lending a hand to my death.  You are wasting the good-looks I gave you.  Why don’t you and your sister have relationships?"...the conversation would end with me in tears and me speaking loudly asking if its about cows in his kraal or about me.  He would pretend he did not hear me and carry on without a full stop but a whole lot of exclamation marks after his questions, that he did not bother to wait for answers for.  I would eventually get my two cents worth after a hot ear that was now stuck for an hour .  Did he bother to read the bible and see that HE who finds and not SHE who finds, finds a good thing and obtainath favour from the Lord.  So I am the favour that needs to found.  Maybe I just was not being found for goodness sake. No one has entered into a treasure hunt.  Their bad. Not mine.  Maybe that’s the problem.  Dunno why everyone thinks I am too fussy.  Do I look fussy? Of course not.  Anyway an hour later would find us taking a slow drive together to Ntuzuma and me listening to the achievement of his recent court case.  My dad started making sure on taking me out for a meal at a classy restuarant  or  calling me home for dinner were he would braai.  Yes he always did that but now he was trying to paint a better picture on my view on men.  We got closer after moms death.  I suddenly became his baby in the sense of being a real 'daddy's girl' so much so that he felt he needed me by his side when he gave into death.  He would make sure that I was on point on style. He liked buying and giving.  He even bought my brother’s late wife’s Christmas clothes.  Now that was just scwheet.  Hope my future father in law spoils me.  My Tata was a black Italian, and he knew that I laaaaav style and yet wanted nothing to do with a temper and tantrum throwing man.  Gentle and peaceful, loving and kind was my type.  Hence I did not know why I did not change my glass lenses to see through a man who wore sneakers and shorts during the week or one who chose to wear his reading glasses in the sun as a man with potential capabilities of being a decent man for me. Alas! My fashion-police citizen arrest portfolio always seemed to get the better of me.
Subconsciously and more consciously when I lost my parents, I realised that the dreams I had, my aspirations were all a game plan to bless them, to make them look good and feel good.
They were the sun rays that kept my purpose warm.  Last Christmas was the second one without my mom and I had my Tata in hospital. This year, without both of them I am at peace and find that my family tradition, has died and a new lifestyle has begun. I am now responsible for being a great crafts-woman for my children and I need to guide them to be independent thinkers and Presidents of their world.
My friends keep on threatening me that my kids will not leave in ten years as in move out the house. This of course is my grand plan.  I will be 42 and HALLLO but my life will have just begun. So practically speaking aside from my last five year plans which was way too ambitious, my next 8 plan is about trying to find a plan.
Let the games begin!  Sakikiza isalukazi sathi llilililili kwakuhle kwethu...when I get married...the song "isencane lengane, ubani obethi ayishadhe", will still be the first track.  Did I add that, a Zulu speaking friend is a must in order to translate most of my closing lines on this blog.?

Merry Christmas Yol! Treasure all those who add to the warmth of your life.  Make sure that they know that they are all that and more to you. Love and Joy from my world to yours.